cheerful melancholy

I still didn’t get over the fact that my exchange year haven’t worked. I have different things going on in my head right now despite of this. First, I still have my not-so-good grades from last semester in my mind, especially from my Zwischenprüfung in english, in which I spoke a 2,7 at the oral exam and wrote a 3.0 at my term paper :/ It really is not a grade that I had wished to get. And I also don’t think that I can repeat that exam. Second, I am in the middle of the 4th semester now and realise how fast the time has passed o.O Everyone around me seems to be going somewhere or already been somewhere, except for me. Then I really wonder how big the influence of money is… I don’t really know if I will ever be able to have a good job in the future with my grades being like this… I just hope for a wonder. Third, I still have to cancel my Auslandsbafög… -.- Fourth, I don’t know what to do this summer: go on vacation or do an internship at a publisher’s. Then I would have to move out as well, also to another, probably bigger city in Germany. Actually that wouldn’t be that bad, but I am worried about the money, again. If I really would decide for this and would be accepted, then it would really be great for my new exchange plans to England for the next year. If I should just go next year to England, that would be problematic, because then I would have finished my 6th semester, and after the 6th I would have to write my bachelor paper, and I would have to do this in England then? o.O That’s why taking a holiday semester and doing the internship would be good idea.. but then I should soon begin to apply for the internship… I think I will do it after the presentation next week :)

Nevertheless, the reason for this post is that I felt quite down the last few days and was a bit accusing my father because he got into depts for the bank. But somehow he managed to cheer me up, rather, to give me hope. He said that he believed in me and what I was doing and that he is very sure of the fact that I will be very successful in the future. I somehow was touched by this and tried not to let my tears appear :’D This remembered me of Naruto and his father’s belief in him. It sounds absurd but I think that naruto is the story character with whom I can identify myself the best :D

Well, I just hope for the best I can get in the future. I will try my best without neglecting my free time :)


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